Monday, July 5, 2010


My senior year was the best year of my life. I reconnected with my Mennonite friends and mentors in Ft. Wayne. I made some new amazing friends that made such a huge impact on my life. I danced and sang (jazz hands for your gleeks) in "swing choir" and at church. I have so many memories from that year that still make me smile and laugh. From performing in Oklahoma to drinking sparkling grape juice in Brian's basement on New Year's Eve. Brian, Michelle, Carol, and Tim saved my life.

I also had two girlfriends that year (who will remain nameless to protect their identity) who for whatever reason never minded walking down the hallway hand in hand with me while the jocks and the stoners called me a faggot. Was it desperation or just good hearts?

I never understood why people always called me faggot? I had never messed around with another guy. I was a card carrying christian for god's sake..........maybe it was the dancing and singing????? I know I had effeminate hand gestures, but so did my animal killing, NRA member father. I'm sure it didn't help that I was raised by mean and my mother for most of my life. I will say it never bothered me to buy their tampons when they had the flu............maybe it should have??? If I was a did everyone else know before me? I knew i found men attractive, but most of my friends were women. I love hanging with that another hint????? I decided to leave it in God's hands.

During my senior year, and even after, I decided to make a deal with God. I promised to read the bible every night before I went to bed if he would tell me what he wanted for me. I would add up the numbers on my digital alarm clock and then read every corresponding verse of at least 10 chapters. For whatever reason Matthew was always my favorite book...........and the name of my favorite brother...........oh wait, he's my only brother : ).

I used to go to Glenbrook mall a lot at night and on weekends. It was a great mall with an indoor ice skating rink. I would shop, try on clothes, and watch all the next Olympic hopefuls (and the not so Olympic hopefuls) practice. One night while I was walking around i noticed someone that seemed to be following me. I got very nervous and went to the ice rink to hide..............since the ice rink is in the middle of the mall, kind of hard to hide. He came up behind me and asked if he could sit at my table. I said o.k.?? He started the conversation that he had just moved to Ft. Wayne and didn't know anyone and had no friends. Lonely people reel me in everytime!! It was right before Christmas so we decided to see a movie after the holidays.

We saw "Throw Momma from the Train" on the 26th of December 1987. I can tell you honestly that i have no idea what that movie was about, because I had spent the entire time wondering if this was my first man date, or just a new friend?? Long story was a date. I didn't realize until later in life that God had sent me this "first experience" to show me MY way. His name was Kent. He was the most "un-gay" gay i have ever met. He worked in a factory, didn't like bars, and always wore tennis shoes. He didn't even like sex, but like me, lived for the kiss. You see the no-sex thing was important as it was the height of the AIDS epidemic and so many people were dying. Yet another reason I felt God sent me Kent as my "first experience".

When I was growing up my mother had purchased a picture from a "Home Interiors" party. It was a picture of a huge dead tree in the middle of a field with an amazing orange background that was supposed to look like it was captured at sunset. I would trace all of the branches in my mind and used to stare at it for hours. Until I met Kent, I had always identified with that tree..........alone.......just exisiting as I moved from house to house. For the first time I was alive and finally knew who I was, and what I wanted.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The New Testament...............

Let's keep my mom kind of got the hint that maybe she should date a little longer before the big "M" (marriage for those not paying attention). She met someone and decided to move to Norfolk (pronounced Norfuck if you live there) Virginia. Mean (my sister, see first blog) refused to move and decided to live with my paternal grandparents. I decided to live with my dad in Ft. Wayne Indiana.

This was the beginning of a new life for me. My dad had become a member of the Mennonite faith, so i started to attend the Central Mennonite Church. For the first time in my life I had real live friends (non TV personalities). Let's break down the Mennonite faith for you non-believers...........NO THEY AREN'T AMISH! Mennonites are born again christians and come in different strengths so to speak. There are the very strict...usually denoted by the women always in dresses or skirts lower than the knee, don't cut their hair and wear it up in a fashionable bun, and wear a covering that kind of looks like a big mesh coffee filter. They don't dance, play sports, or go see rated R movies. Then there are the not so strict.....which my church was (praise Jesus). Here the women usually only wore the coffee filter on Sunday, however could cut their hair, and weren't forced to wear a dress or skirt. The don't dance, play sports, and rated R movies thing was condoned but frowned upon. Those of you wondering about the no sports creates a competitive spirit which isn't godly.

The most important thing to note about the Mennonite faith is that they have an amazing sense of community. In joining this church not only did I have friends, but all of a sudden I had extra sets of parents, mentors, and spirit guides (not the animal type). The other important thing to note is that the Mennonites are amazing cooks. Don't be fooled by Amish Acres my little non-believers....those are Mennonites cooking in there!!!!! Typical Amish food sucks. Anyway, I went to church at least three times a week and enjoyed every minute of it. I became a right wing Republican, marched in anti-abortion rallys, and became a fan of christian music. Amy Grant, Sandy Patti, and Michael W Smith were playing in my cassette player.

This lasted until my mother moved back to Defiance and married number five (he was also number six, don't go there). I missed my mom and mean and decided to move back my freshman year in highschool. I lived with them until my senior year and decided to move back with my dad in Ft. Wayne.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

2nd Verse............................

I was born in a small town in Ohio called Defiance. Needless to say that city name fits me like a glove........let's break it down. My parents married right after high school and my mother got pregnant on the honeymoon with my older sister, we will refer to her as Mean (I secretely adore her, but it's more fun to call her mean). I was hatched two years later (I still think my twin was kidnapped from the hospital.....if you're out there somewhere, call me). So, my parents were 21, 22 with two kids..........babies raising babies. My parents divorced when I was two amongst a scandle of debauchery and adultry.

After the big D, my mother ran away with a much older man and we moved to Orlando, Florida. He had two daughters just about the same age as my mother......they married and thus stepfather number 1. He had already raised his two kids, so he wasn't really interested in raising two more. They were married three years and then he left my mother to go back to his first dying wife. I think it was an easy out.

So, we moved an apartment where she met stepfather number 2. This begins my elementary school tally as well (7 elementary schools from K to 6). We moved a couple times with him before the next big D. The picture I'm trying to paint is that we moved a lot. This was responsible for the meeting of my best friend, TV (not transvestite, the television). It was also responsible for my immense imagination. I took the best of TV and made a new life in my own mind. I had the parents from Brady Bunch, the grandparents from the Waltons, and the superpowers of the Six Million Dollar Man (we had the same name so that was super cool). I unfortunately didn't have his powers which resulted in a few embarassing "acts of strength" at a local park. It turns out, concrete benches are a little heavier than I had originally thought.

In the third grade a friend of my mother told her I was going to become gay if I didn't get a stable father figure fast, so she sent me to live with my father in Indiana. He was a workaholic, had remarried when I was five, and I think I saw him twice the whole time I lived there. Being the new kid AGAIN, TV was my friend. I went to shool with the Sweathogs, worked in a brewery with Laverne & Shirley, and became suprisingly attracted to the Bionic Woman............who knew? I had her poster which also doubled as a calendar. I only lived there one year because my grandmother (my mom's mom) died, and my mother moved back to Ohio. She brought stepfather number 3 with her.

The next couple of years played out like a bad Lifetime movie. This husband was abusive and put my mother in the hospital a couple of times. She would get out, they would go see a priest, and then get back together (I know you've seen this movie). The police were at our house more often then anywhere else which I think caused a small rise in crime in our fair town. We were very lucky though it only took three times of getting back together for my mother to take the good ole' Louisville Slugger (it's a bat for you non-sports people) after him. It was one of the only times I was proud of my mother. The neighbors were standing outside as she chased him out of the house. They were all clapping and cheering as she bashed in his truck. She hit a homerun that day.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

In the beginning...................

I call my blog, "Things I know". This refers to a vast experience of life in general. As Madonna once said, I don't condone a lifestyle, I simply show one. However, I'm not an artist and not a big fan of Madonna, so whatever.

I was born Stephen Carl Brinkman on March 22nd 1967. Let's break that down........My mom wanted to name me Kile (her maiden name), however my dad wanted to name me Steve. A fought ensued, and my mother only agreed if she could spell it Stephen. That's better than what it could have been, Ralph William Brinkman III (dad's name but with Jr. at the end). Stephen means "Crowned One", which in my case, means I hit my head a lot. On the day I was born Bobby Hull scored is 52nd goal of that season. For you hockey fans I think that means something special, for the rest of us that's the most exciting thing that happened that day. I share my birthday with the following famous people, William Shatner, Andrew Lloyd Weber, Matthew Modine, Bob Costas, and Reese Witherspoon. This means nothing to me but usually people get very excited about it. I do secretly like that I share a birthday with William Shatner, I mean he's the captain of the Enterprise.